Tough Girls Have Feelings Too

I've never been the type of girl who expressed her feeling very well. Instead, i'm the type of girl who bottles up her emotions until she explodes, alone in the privacy of her own room where the only thing around to comfort her are the pillows that absorb every tear without judgment. Also, I'm the type of girl who puts up a front. On the outside I'm careless but inside my head are countless thoughts of worry and uncertainty. I've never been the type of girl to have a crush either. I lose interest very quickly, one false move from the opposite sex and my mind wanders elsewhere. 
But this time, everything is different. This boy is something else. I kind of hate him because he's a jerk. But the more he pushes me away the more I adore him. Every second of my time is spent wondering what he's doing. What is he wearing? What is he eating? When is he going to text me?? Quite frankly, its an obsession.
I really shouldn't like him so much. He's the boy my mother told always told me not to talk to.
It drives me insane just thinking about him. Our relationship is complicated because we really have no relationship. We are not really friends? We are not really dating? We don't see each other very often and the majority of our communication is through text messages or social media. Not to mention we met through a dating app. Although in my mind I know this is going nowhere, I can't help but continue.